Show Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hasHEA83BxE

Playing in an empty room is one of my favorite things to do.

I sat in an empty hall with the piano and sang this song. The acoustics were beautiful. The lyrics moved me. I felt beautiful when I was singing it. I fell in love with music all over again. I love this song. Singing this song made me want to be a musician, something I have been wanting to pursue for awhile now. I would LOVE to be a "famous" musician. I would love to speak to people through my music, to relate to others and the human experience, to be a shining light to a darkened world.

It seems that I may also be presented with another opportunity, a chance to serve God in a more prevalent and blatantly Christian role, indeed a leadership role. I would have the chance to show minister the love of Jesus to kids, to minister to the youth of our nation about the most important thing in the world. The Most Important Thing. And it's not music.

I am afraid that I will choose wrongly, not that the choice itself will be wrong but that the motivation for the choice will be wrong.

"OK God, I will serve you in this time (in hopes that when this is over I get to be a musician)"

or

"OK God, I think I am gonna pass on the whole ministry thing, because I WANT the music and the road to success more."

I do believe that whatever choice I make, God will work through it, as long as the motivation is right and pure. My prayer is that I am led to do what is called of me, not led to do what I want to do.

A friend of mine is looking for the purpose in the efforts of her life on earth. she said today, "There has to be that one thing in your life, that you would give up everything else for." It was in the words of my lost friend that I realized, as much as I want that to be music, that would be my idol, my replacement for God. God becomes second in my life when everything I am giving up is in pursuit of a career in music.

"But not before you show me how to die" is a line in the song. Do I need to die to my pride, my wants and desires. Believe it or not I have died this death a number of time. It hurts each time it is ripped away, maybe this time I should relinquish it before I have to suffer the utter depths of loss. Maybe if I give it up to God now, he will work through it... and maybe even give it back at some point. But I have to be willing to never get it back if I give it up. I have to be willing to fully and completely give the reins over to God and believe that the path he has set me on will be "perfect and complete" (James 1) Nothing has been decided yet.

"Set me like a star before the morning

Like a song that steals the darkness from a world asleep.

And I'll illuminate the path you've laid before me,

But for now just let me be."

I mean after all...playing in an empty room is one of my favorite things to do.