Bipolar!

Fuck! I freaking spout off all these words about being content and happy and not worrying about anything and then all the same damn emotion hits me like a ton of bricks. I might be slightly exaggerating but I freaking hate being fine one moment and not the next. I miss what I had, even though it wasn't right and it wasn't the best for me, I still miss it! Everyone else seems to be moving on with their lives and getting what they want or at least moving in a single direction instead of being hung here with me on the gallows of perpetual change. I feel like I am on a free fall machine and the second I think it is all over, I drop and my stomach and my heart go with it. I hate rejection, I hate failure, I hate not being enough, and I know that I will never be enough, and that I won't have to be, but it leaves me with an empty feeling which sends me back into the vicious cycle of woe is me. shit, screw me, I freaking hate this.

I'm cold.