"June 6th, 2008- Solo Day"
"'I'm finding myself, at a loss for words and the funny thing is, it's ok. The last thing I need, is to be heard, but to hear, what you would say.
Word of God speak, would you pour down like rain, washing my eyes to see, your majesty. To be still and know, you're in this place. Please let me stay and rest, in your holiness, Word of God speak.
I'm finding myself, in the midst of you, beyond the music, beyond the noise, all that I need, is to be with you and in the quiet, to hear your voice.
Word of God speak, would you pour down like rain, washing my eyes to see, your majesty. To be still and know, you're in this place. Please let me stay and rest, in your holiness, Word of God speak.'
I came with nothing and so far I have realized that I am nothing. I fail...constantly. I failed today. I am lazy, I am selfish, I am foolish, I expect when it is not my place to expect. I guess right now I am learning the difference between knowing and expecting. I know you are here in this place as the song says. I know you can see everything even into the deepest parts of my heart. I know you hear my prayers...but I guess I don't know what I supposed to expect. Am I to see a "sign' today? Maybe not. Am I to feel your prescence SO closely by my side today? Maybe not. Am I to hear you speak either in quietness or loud and clear? Maybe not. But is it right for me to expect anything? The knowledge I have of you tells me that I can expect all things are under your control and that you are working in me, but what do I expect TODAY? I do not doubt that you can do anything and I trust that you will do whatever is necessary in me but what am I HERE in this place to learn? There is nothing I can do on my own that will help me to understand anymore than you reveal to me. I am nothing sitting here before you, a fallen, tempted, insignificant, misguided selfish and proud woman. I can do nothing without you. What would you have me learn this day? Reveal to me your truth.
[Perhaps the closet thing to a Psalm I will ever write]
I'm, sitting on your mountain praying silently, listening. Usually I am not quiet. I like noise, noise comforts me. But you are the Great Comforter. So I look for comfort here on your mountain. I can see the mountains that surround me, everyone larger than the one I am on- You are bigger! I feel the sun warm on my back through to the depths of my frozen bones- You are more Powerful! I tasted the rain on my dry lips- You are sweeter than anything! I have faced the tumultous wind- You are stronger than anything. When I finally opened my mouth to give you praise, I was again reminded that you are more beautiful than anything. I lay in the meadow of your wildflowers enjoying you my Master and my Creator."
On the topic of poetry, this one fits the current theme too, might as well ;)
Though I am nothing and can plan nothing, I am not left without a guide.
Cartographer
This ship is doomed despite it's precious cargo.
At birth and first brush upon the waves, my legs
felt strong and perfect.
But the motion of my body matches the sinking of my heart
as I struggle to keep from falling.
The way down is different
than I expected.
I can't do it I can't.
I am drowning in this ocean of calamity
and the tide is carrying me past the point of salvage,
further from what is knowable.
Captive now to struggle, with the salt stinging my wounds,
I am so desperate to reach the solid shore,
so desperate for You to reach me.
I'll never be smart enough,
I'll never be strong enough,
I'll never be talented enough,
I'll never be enough,
I'll never have to be.
Chelsea Dasso, March 2008
Psalm 17. Look it up.
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